Monthly Archives: January 2010

The Drunk

Posted on January 23, 2010 by Ron

A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. When he finally gets in, it … Continue reading →

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Cleave

Posted on January 20, 2010 by Ron

PRONUNCIATION: (‘kleev) http://wordsmith.org/words/cleave.mp3 MEANING: (verb) 1. To split asunder or into two pieces. 2. To cling or adhere firmly to. ETYMOLOGY: Cleave has two antagonistic meanings because it is, in fact, two different verbs. The first is from Old English … Continue reading →

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Gastronome also gastronomer

Posted on January 19, 2010 by Ron

PRONUNCIATION: (GAS-truh-nome also ga-STRON-uh-muhr) http://wordsmith.org/words/gastronome.mp3 MEANING: (noun), A connoisseur of good food and drink; a gourmet. Also called gastronomist. ETYMOLOGY: French, back-formation from gastronomie, gastronomy. Impotence is considered as one of the most embarrassing condition in generic soft viagra men, … Continue reading →

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Excel Instant Sum

Posted on January 18, 2010 by Ron

Get instant sums using Excel’s Status bar There are a number of ways to get quick sums in a worksheet — but did you know you can sum a range of values without entering a function or formula? Have you … Continue reading →

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It’s a Hard Life!

Posted on January 16, 2010 by Ron

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you’re a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you’re a pansy. If you work too much, you’re avoiding spending … Continue reading →

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Get Your Neighbor to Move

Posted on January 16, 2010 by Ron

Ways to Get Your Neighbor to Move 1. Order pizza and other food to their house and pick it up at their doorstep claiming that you don’t have a phone. 2. Stand over the plants in your yard with a … Continue reading →

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Getting a Haircut

Posted on January 9, 2010 by Ron

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About two hours.” The guy leaves. A few days later, the same guy … Continue reading →

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TV in Prison

Posted on January 9, 2010 by Ron

A newspaper reporter was writing a feature story about prison life and was interviewing one of the prisoners. “Do you watch much television here?” “Only the daytime shows,” the inmate said. “At night we’re locked in our cells and don’t … Continue reading →

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Bilingual Lawyer

Posted on January 3, 2010 by Ron

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a … Continue reading →

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Double Genie

Posted on January 3, 2010 by Ron

One day, a man rubbed a lamp. A genie popped out of the lamp and said, “You have three wishes. I will grant whatever you wish for, but remember, every politician in the world gets twice as much as you … Continue reading →

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