New uniforms and ties attract catsup and gravy stains.
Court will be scheduled in the middle of your days off.
Hot calls will only come over the air 10 minutes before the end of your shift.
You will never get the urge to use the bathroom until you have left the station.
Surprise inspections will only occur after you have been in a foot pursuit through mud.
The Mayor will get a traffic ticket the day before your department negotiates for a salary increase.
The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Also the harder they punch, kick and choke.
Never search a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is “Boom-Boom”.
If you park your patrol car in the exact center of the Gobi desert, within 5 minutes someone will pull up and ask for direction.
Coffee machines only break down on the graveyard shift.
Pens never leak onto old uniform shirts.
You will only forget to go to court when the case is presided over by the meanest Judge in town.
To err is human, to forgive is against department policy.
Shatterproof flashlights seldom are.
You will remain in perfect health until your days off.
Glow in the dark sights are just as visible to you as they are to the crook hiding behind you.
No patrol car assigned to you will be clean and never have a full tank of gas.
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The oldest squad car won’t be retired. It will be assigned to you.
Coffee jitters will never bother you until firearm qualification day.
Flashlight batteries never die in the daylight hours.
Your mouthiest traffic violator will be related to the sheriff.
You will score no higher than fourth on a promotion exam with only three positions.
If the crooks are within pistol range, so are you.
The speed you respond to a fight in progress is inversely proportional to how long you have been an officer.
Bullet proof vests might be.
The number of citizens that approach you during lunch is inversely proportional to the amount of time you have to eat.
Your portable radio will never fail until you are involved in a foot pursuit.
Vehicle pursuits always progress from areas of low traffic density to high traffic density.
Your pen will only run out of ink when you are ready to write a ticket.
NCIC will be down anytime you see a car listed on a hot sheet.
Old squad cars never die, they just smell that way.
You will never get a bomb threat call until the squad is away on training.
The experience of your DA is inversely proportional to the importance of the case he is prosecuting.