How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world “up over”?
Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Daylight savings time – why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
Do pilots take crash-courses?
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
How can there be self-help “groups?”
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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How many weeks are there in a light year?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
If Barbie’s so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?
If cats and dogs didn’t have fur would we still pet them?
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
If you can’t drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Why do the signs that say “Slow Children” have a picture of a running child?
Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
I found the best way to get rid of a telemarketer. Ask them what they are wearing.
Why is it when snooty department stores put their Christmas decorations out just after the 4th of July, it’s “elegant foresight,” but when I leave my Christmas lights up until April, my neighbors just think I’m tacky?
OK…so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs” does that make the Tennessee Titans “The Tits?”
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco’s Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. “Five tickets, please,” the father said. “Two round trip, three one way.”
Then there is a dyslexic guy who walks into a bra…
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea … does that mean that one enjoys it?