The Affordable Boat Act

A short analysis (satire). This will help everyone understand Obama Care better.

The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: “The Affordable Boat Act” declaring that every citizen must purchase a new boat by April 2014. These “affordable” boats will cost $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.

This law has been passed because, until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new law ensures that all Americans can now have a “affordable” boat of their own, because everyone is “entitled” to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive 4 “free” life jackets, not including monthly usage fees.

In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of owning a boat will increase on average of 250% per year. This way, “wealthy” people will pay more for something that other people don’t want or can’t afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who can’t afford to maintain their boat will be regularly fined. Children (under the age of 26) can use their parents boats to party on until they turn 27; then must purchase their own boats.

If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you can’t). If you don’t want or don’t need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or can’t afford one, you will be regularly fined until you purchase one or face imprisonment.
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Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert, ghettos, inner cities, or areas with no access to water are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, no experience, knowledge, nor lack of desire are not acceptable excuses for not using your boat.

A government review board (that doesn’t know the difference between the port, starboard or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including; when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat, as well as how many people can ride your boat, and whether one is too old or not healthy enough to be able to use their boat. They will also decide if your boat has out lived its usefulness, or if you must purchase specific accessories, or a new and more expensive boat.

Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so… it’s only fair. The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment. Government officials are exempt from this new law. However, if they want a boat, they and their families can obtain boats free, at the expense of the tax payers. Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations, and contribute heavily to the present administration, are also exempt.

Yes, it’s that stupid.

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