Kauffman’s Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
Miller’s Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.
Weiner’s Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.
Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.
Kenny’s Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.
Yeager’s Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle.
Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber’s day off.
Lampner’s Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.
Quile’s Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.
Murphy’s:
Murphy’s First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.
Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.
The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you’ll want to be doing something else.
Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a person’s name, you will pick the wrong one.
Corollary – If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.
The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.
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Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure.
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
All’s well that ends.
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day’s work.
After all is said and done, a heck of a lot more is said than done.
The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.
Leakproof thermoses — will.
The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over whose day it is to take out the trash ends.
The shirt your child must wear today will be the only one that needs to be washed or mended.
Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing.
The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look.
Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician enters the treatment room.
Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator.
Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers.