1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest any time your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Big Mac” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.
2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate’s head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.
3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, “Hooray! You’re back!” as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, “Shouldn’t you be going somewhere?”
4. Trash the room when your roommate’s not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say, “Uh-oh, it looks like, THEY, were here again.”
5. Every time you see your roommate yell, “You son of a…” and kick him/her in the stomach. Then buy him/her some ice cream.
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7. Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as you wake up. If your roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses. Complain that you’ve been having terrible nightmares.
8. Eat lots of “Lucky Charms.” Pick out all the yellow moons and stockpile them in the closet. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are coming, but you can’t say anything more, or you’ll have to face the consequences.
9. Set up meetings with your roommate’s faculty advisor. Inquire about his/her academic potential. Take lots of notes, and then give your roommate a full report. Insist that he/she do the same.
10. “Drink” a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are in training. Eat a dozen donuts every night.