The American Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you.
4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.
6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.
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9. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
10. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
11. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
12. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
13. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your behind kicked.
14. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
15. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.